What Makes Me Me?
by Gangsta Lovin
Summary: Sakura was a freak, plain and simple. Tortured beyond belief, she leaves with the opportunity of a life time, only to return years later, more different than anyone could have imagined and with a secret hard to hide...
1. A Reject Named Sakura Kinomoto

A/N: Hey people! Welcome to my latest fic, something I thought of while riding the train home. This fic places value on appearance, but I feel the exact opposite. People are people no matter how they look. Oh, and this first chapter will be a little angsty. Note: The amount of reviews I get will determine the fate of this fic. Hope you like. 

_All standard disclaimers apply_

What Makes Me Me?

Sakura groaned as the alarm clock rang. Why? Why did the morning come? Would it have been too much for it to stay yesterday forever? At least then she wouldn't have to face Them. 

Sighing, the auburn-haired teenager got out of bed. On the way to the closet she looked at herself in her full-length mirror. Staring back at her was a reject, an outcast, plain and simple. 

Her hair was knotted from tossing and turning all night, though it hardly ever did what she wanted, always going frizzy after it was washed. Acne dotted her face. Dark bags were under her eyes from lack of sleep. Where full breasts should have been (she was after all fifteen), was a relatively flat chest. She didn't have a skinny mid-section like the rest of the girls at her school; she was what they liked to call 'chunky'. 

Oh well. Best to get dressed. The sooner the day started, the sooner it ended. Pulling on her sailor-style school uniform, Sakura headed off to the local high school, or as she liked to call it, the torture house. 

For as long as she could remember, Sakura had never fit in with anyone else. For one, she was less than perfect in appearance, something the girls at school found hilarious for some reason. She was also smarter than everyone else (her teacher's called her the next Einstein), choosing to write most of the time instead of going boy-watching (or stalking as she like to call it). Sakura loved anime and mangas, something the population of the school thought was childish. 

Sakura hadn't really minded being alone, in fact, she kind of enjoyed wallowing in her thoughts, but that was before the teasing began. One day, it seemed that the class clued in on how fun it would be to torment her. She couldn't exactly remember the reason, but she thought it had something to do with her bringing the newest 'Bishoujo Sailor Moon' manga to school. 

Since then, her life had been a living hell. The teasing had moved from her class to the entire school, making Sakura the favorite subject for everyone to make fun of. She pretended that it didn't bother her, but inside, she was dying, and that's the truth. 

As she approached the school, Sakura ignored the stares, giggles and whispers flying around her, concentrating instead on getting on with the day. She would save her tears for later, when she could sob into the privacy of her pillow. Until then, she'd just have to hold it all inside. 

"Hey freak! Glad to see you decided to show your face! Everyone, let the fun begin!" came the mocking voice of Rika Sasaki. 

_Not them! Anyone but them!_ Sakura prayed silently. Rika Sasaki and her two best friends, Chiharu Mihara and Naoko Yanagisawa were Sakura's biggest enemies. It was the highlight of their day to make fun of Sakura. They were all the perfect popular preppies. All of them were on the cheerleading squad, and Chiharu had a boyfriend on the football team. They were what every girl dreamed of being. 

"So freak, what manga did you bring today?" taunted Rika. "Sailor Moon? Fushigi Yuugi? Ayashi no Ceres? Hmmm? Speak up!" 

_Just ignore them. They don't deserve your time,_ thought Sakura. Thinking these thoughts, she tried to brush past them. Unlucky for her, they weren't finished with her yet. 

"Where do you think you're going bitch?" demanded Chiharu. "Don't you want to play with us?" She grabbed Sakura's bag, opened it and pulled out Sakura's recently acquired Escaflowne manga. A flit of panic passed through the auburn-haired girl's eyes. That manga had cost 6000 yen! "Oh! So this is this week's manga! Escaflowne eh? Well, say good-bye to your precious little book!" With that Chiharu grabbed a bunch of pages and ripped them out, before letting the entire thing fall to the ground. "See you in class!" she chirped. They all laughed and walked away. 

Holding in the tears that threatened to fall, Sakura kneeled down and picked up all the ripped pages, smoothed them out and put them into her bag. She decided to try and fix it when she got home, for trying at school was like walking right into another episode like the one she just encountered. 

"Are you okay?" asked a voice from above. Looking up, Sakura saw that it was Tomoyo Daidouji. She was another popular girl in school, but unlike the others, she was remotely nice to her, the key word being 'remotely'. She never spoke against her friends, and still laughed when a prank was pulled on Sakura, but she was the only one to ever ask if she was okay afterwards. 

"I'm fine," said Sakura briskly. "Why don't you go hang out with your friends. You wouldn't want you to get infected by me now would you?" she said sarcastically, a tint a bitterness in her voice. 

Tomoyo was about to answer when the school bell rang. Ignoring the saddened look Tomoyo was sending her, she marched past the raven-haired beauty and into the school. However, the second she walked in, she figured out she would have been better off outside. As she walked down the hallway, people plowed into her, shoving her into lockers and things of that sort. 

After getting her books from her locker, Sakura went to homeroom where she was hit with numerous paper wasps and spitballs. _Only another six and a half hours left..._ she thought bitterly. 

* * *

Well, it's official. Friday is the worst day of the week. Seeing as they won't be seeing her for forty-eight hours, the population of the school decided that they needed to torment Sakura twice as much as usual. 

Sakura made her way to the bathroom to clean herself up. What better way to end the day than having to walk home in the rain? Answer: getting pushed into a mud puddle. What a nice day it had been. 

Washing her face with the sweet smelling soap, Sakura looked at herself in the mirror. Could anyone be more pathetic? Tears started to flow down her cheeks. _I don't even have any friends, and my dad is always away. At least I got home before him today. It gives me a chance to clean up._

Sakura's eyes drifted around the tiny bathroom she called her own. She gazed at all the little items until her eyes settled on a razor. She picked it up. Just think, with one of those little blades, she could end it all... end all the teasing, all the heartache, all of it. No more snobs treating you like trash, no more whispers as you walk down the hall, no more pranks, no more spitballs, no more hurting... 

Slowly, Sakura took out one of the little blades and brought it to her wrist. She pressed it against the skin and... 

"Sakura! I'm home!" 

Startled, she dropped the razor and it fell down the drain. _There goes my chance._ "Hi dad! I'll be down in a second!" Sakura walked into her room and changed into dry (and clean) clothes. Walking down the stairs, she was greeted by the smiling face of her father, along with another man she had never seen before. 

"Sakura, this is Mr. Ishoki. He is the head of the Japanese Secret Service and my long-time friend. Xiao-Jie, this is my daughter Sakura," introduced Sakura's father, Fujitaka. 

"It is a great honor to meet you Sakura," smiled Xiao-Jie. "I have heard only wonderful things about you." 

"You must not have talked to anyone from my school," muttered Sakura. Xiao-Jie overheard, but pretended not to notice. 

"Xiao-Jie will be accompanying us for dinner tonight," said Fujitaka. "I hope you don't mind that we picked up take-out." 

"Not at all," said Sakura. A few minutes later they were all seated around the Kinomoto's tiny dinning room table munching happily on the take-out. 

"So Ishoki-san, what brings you to Tokyo?" wondered Sakura. "I mean, if you're in the Secret Service I don't think they'll let you take vacations unless it's something to do with work." 

Xiao-Jie smiled at Fujitaka. "You did warn me, ne?" He turned to Sakura. "I have come to offer you the chance to work for me. Before you blow it off, hear me out. I have learned that you are quite the young genius, and it would be beneficial to my department to have you on our team. However, this would mean that you would be - to put it in laymen's terms - a spy and that you would have to undergo immense training. You would also have to leave behind your school and move to Osaka with me where our base is situated." 

"Would I have to leave my father?" asked Sakura. 

"For the moment, yes. You would no longer be living with him, but at the base instead, though you would still have visiting privileges." 

_Wow,_ thought Sakura. What are the chances of this happening to me? Should I take this opportunity? I think I'd be crazy not to. After all, there's nothing left for me here. 

"Ishoki-san, I accept your offer." 

* * *

"Did you hear?" 

"What?" 

"Sakura Kinomoto ran away!" 

"I hear she killed herself! 

"I heard that she was kidnapped, rapped, and dumped in a ditch!" 

"Oh puh-lease, who would rape her?" 

The rumors concerning Sakura spread like wild fire the next day. Everyone was talking about the sudden disappearance of the 'freak'. Most didn't really care what had happened, only that she was gone. Others felt a little guilty, and Tomoyo Daidouji was among them. 

As she looked out the window of the class, she thought, _Please be okay Sakura. I know I'm not the best person, but I hope nothing awful happened to you. Come back some day..._

* * *

A/N: What can I say? I just got this thought today and decided to post it. Tell me what you think. Reminder: Number of reviews will determine the fate of this fic! Thanks for reading! Ja! 


	2. Ok That's Not Exactly What I Wanted

A/N: Thanks for all the reviews! Due to the number of them (12 or something) I have decided to continue this fan fiction (which is good, cause I wanted to anyway). Have a nice read. 

_What Makes Me Me?_

_Three years later..._

Punch. Block. Kick. Block. Swipe. Groan. 

"Ah, my head!" groaned Sakura, glaring at her sparring partner. "That was such an illegal move! You are _not_ supposed to jump on your partner's stomach when she is trying to knock your feet from under you! That was just mean!" 

Her partner held up her hands in defense. "Hey, I was only doing it like they would out in that violent world we live in." She flipped her long black hair over her shoulder and gazed down at her friend, ruby eyes glittering with amusement. "I guess this proves who the better agent is." 

"What!? I don't believe you!" exclaimed Sakura, jumping to her feet. "You said we were going to have a nice, clean fight! A clean fight does not include killing your sparring partner! And besides, I am such the better agent! You can't even hack into the government's database!" 

"That hurts, you know?" said the other agent over-dramatically, placing a hand over her heart as if struck by an imaginary arrow. "How can you say such cruel things to me, Meiling Li, your best friend!?" 

Sakura sighed and looked at Meiling who was currently pouting cutely. Meiling was beautiful, anyone could see that. Long black hair was pulled into half-buns on the sides of her head. She had a slightly tanned complexion, free of any blemishes. Long, dark lashes framed ruby eyes and she had a figure to die for. She was currently sporting black sweat pants and a baby blue t-shirt. 

Shaking her head, Sakura turned and started walking away. Some things you just couldn't win against Meiling, and the pouting face was one of them. She'd learned that her first year in the Japanese Secret Service, and was currently in her third. There was no place she'd rather be. 

"Sakura! Wait up!" cried Meiling, completely forgetting the previous argument. "Did you hear that Hiroshi Myaka is planning on asking you out? You know that really hot guy that just started working here?" 

"But why would he want to go out with me?" asked Sakura nervously. "There are plenty of girls prettier than me! You for example!" 

The fact that her friend still thought herself ugly shocked Meiling to no end, and the fact that Sakura though Meiling was prettier almost gave the raven-haired girl a heart attack. Sakura was beautiful! Why couldn't she see it? 

Sakura's beauty wasn't of the supermodel kind, it was natural beauty; a beauty that didn't require make up to make the features stand out. Emerald eyes were what captured many a gaze. Her skin was a healthy pale; a contrast to her pink kissable lips. Her auburn hair was layered and came just below the shoulders. Her figure (which had developed and had had three years of intense training) was now that of a china doll. 

And yet, even with beauty inside and out, Sakura still saw herself as that fifteen-year-old outcast, complete with 'chunkiness'. Of course, she never admitted this out loud. After all, who would want to be friends with someone like her? 

Meiling apparently. She had accepted Sakura as soon as they met, something that meant a lot to the former reject. The two even shared the same love of animes and mangas. For the first time in her life, Sakura had a friend. 

"Sakura, have you looked in the mirror? You're the belle of the base! Every guy here has checked you out at one point or another! Hell, even Hiiragizawa - who practically runs this place - wanted you for awhile!" Meiling practically shouted. She hated seeing her friend put herself down. 

Chuckling, Sakura replied, "I'm sure he did." No one could have missed the disbelief in her voice. Eriol Hiiragizawa was the most successful agent in the Secret Service. He gave out the missions and often acted on Mr. Ishoki's behalf. He was both smart and handsome. Meiling sighed. 

The two girls made their way into the change rooms. As much as the two teenage girls hated it, they had to wear business like suits when not training, on a mission, or off duty. Today, Meiling's was a matching black skirt and blouse. The skirt was short, coming to the mid-thigh. Sakura's was a bit more modest (and colorful). She had a matching white skirt (which came only a couple inches above the knee) and jacket, which was open to reveal a pink tank top. 

"Sakura Kinomoto - Meiling Li - briefing room," someone announced through the old busted intercom. Heaven knows why the rest of the base had received million yen renovations, but they couldn't find enough money to change one intercom in the girls' change room. 

"Oh, I hope we get a new mission!" squealed Meiling. "We've been stuck here forever! I don't know about you, but I'm ready for a little espionage! We might even get to go undercover this time! Of course... if there is a mission, you'll probably be picked... at least if technology is involved." She sighed. "Why couldn't I have been the brain?" 

Sakura laughed as the two agents made their way into the bustle of the JSS headquarters. The architecture was an impressive design of steel and glass but was also immune to terrorist attacks... or any attacks for that matter. 

The briefing room was just as impressive as the rest of the base. In the middle was a polished oval table with chairs all around it. The far wall wasn't really a wall at all, but a giant television, used by giving access info and or keeping an eye on the rest of the base. The room was completely sound proof, so as not to let top-secret information leak out. 

The two girls took their seats near the head of the table - along with all the other agents around it - as Eriol entered. To some ladies in the room, he looked particularly appealing. Hair so black it shined. Sophisticated glasses adorned his face where deep blue eyes glistened and the mouth was quirked into a smirk. 

"Hello people," he said as he reached the head of the table closest to the 'wall'. "We have a busy day today, so clear all wandering thoughts from your heads. The first thing on the agenda is to congratulate Syaoran Li on a job well done. His last mission was a success." Everyone clapped politely for the man who was currently glaring death at Eriol. 

Syaoran was one of the highest ranking 'spies' in their operation. It was rumored that he had survived annihilation hundreds of times, and Sakura believed it. I mean, look at the man! Syaoran Li was extremely attractive. Any woman within a ten-mile radius could see it. His body was well built from doing martial arts from a young age. Unruly brown hair gave him that 'bad boy' look that made every girl swoon. This was all really great, but what captured Sakura the most were his eyes: scorching pools of amber. 

A sharp pain in her side brought Sakura back to reality. "Did you have a good daydream about my cousin?" asked Meiling under her breath, her eyes laughing. "I know he's good looking, but try to keep your mind on Hiiragizawa." Watching her friend blush, the wheels in the female Li's head started to turn. 

"Now to the really important business," said Eriol, his face going grim. "I'm sure you've all heard of the Black Widows, the notorious all female crime-web?" Heads nodded. "Well, we've recently learned that they have a very rich man supporting their actions and supporting their heists, a man by the name of Himeno Daisuki. Through reliable sources, we have learned that he lives on a boat just outside Kyoto. Through the same sources, we have also discovered that he lets on a new 'escort' every Saturday. 

"This is the only lead we have. We need to get someone in there... someone female. Now, I have already picked a woman to do the job, and I am quite confident in her skills." All the women in the room held their breath. "The woman I chose is Sakura Kinomoto." 

* * * 

"Wah! Sakura I'm so jealous!" exclaimed Meiling. "You get to go undercover!" 

"Yay for me," said Sakura unenthusiastically. Sure she had wanted a mission a tiny little bit, but no like this! She had to be a prostitute! Her, Sakura! They didn't even belong in the same sentence! Why couldn't it have been Meiling?! Meiling was sexy and sensual, period. 

Sighing, Sakura reprimanded herself. She knew very well why Meiling couldn't take the job. As tough as she was, Meiling could do squat with a computer past turning it on. If there was a security system on that boat, or the information she wanted was on a password-protected server, Meiling would be useless. 

"Come on Sakura! You get to go undercover! Do you have any idea how many people would kill to be in your shoes right now?! Practically everyone in the building! Okay, everyone except Syaoran... he does undercover all the time..." Meiling trailed off while looking past Sakura. "Speak of the devil. Oi, Syao-kun!" 

Being his usual silent self, Syaoran walked away from the wall he had been leaning on. As he approached, he glared at Sakura, who narrowed her eyes at him. "You better do a good job," warned Syaoran. "If you go wrong, you could jeopardize the entire operation." 

Meiling scoffed. "And why would you care? Sure you've done hundreds of missions, but what gives you the right? I'm sure Sakura will be a great spy! You shouldn't judge her." A grin suddenly broke out on her face. "Why don't you take her out on a date to find the real Sakura Kinomoto?" 

There could not have been a more embarrassing situation for Sakura. Blushing furiously, Sakura hissed, "Meiling! What are you doing? I don't have time for dates!" 

"I agree with Kinomoto," Syaoran all but growled. "To answer the first questions, I have the right to say that for the simple reason that I am her overseer." Sakura mentally gave a sigh of relief. There was no way she could go wrong with Syaoran backing her up. "And as for the second question -" Sakura's head popped up. "- I would never date a rookie." 

It seemed that that last comment had made Meiling angry... very angry. "Xiao-Lang Li!" she screeched. "Take that back this instant! Sakura is probably one of the smartest people - if not the smartest person - in this entire base! You included! I doubt anyone but her could hack into the Masaharu Inc server! You do know them, don't you?! They're the people with the most complex computer system in the world! And Sakura just went in there and figured it all out! Could you do that Xiao-Lang? Could you?!" 

"There's a lot more to missions than just brains," said Syaoran coldly. "It takes ingenuity, and courage. Kinomoto here might have _some_ ingenuity, but I'm not too sure about courage." Amber eyes looked Sakura over. "But who knows? You might just surprise me." He looked pointedly at her before striding away. 

"Meiling, why did you say those things?" wondered Sakura. "He is entitled to his own opinion and I am after all, almost a rookie. I have only been in service for three years, and I have only started missions this passed one. How long has he been here? Then years. Even though he's only a year older, he's got loads more field experience. He was a little egotistical, but it is justified. Just let it go. Don't lose your friend and cousin on my behalf." 

"_You're_ my friend," reminded Meiling. "I've known Syaoran since I was a toddler and he has always been serious, sometimes too serious. Being the heir to a clan isn't easy work. He's been training forever so he automatically thinks he's better than everyone else. He needs to be set straight. You deserve a lot more credit than he's giving you." 

"Whatever," replied Sakura, completely exasperated with her opinionated friend. Looking at her watch, she added, "I'm going to have to leave. I'm meeting my father for dinner." She turned to leave. Meiling was about to remind her of tomorrow when Sakura turned and winked. "Don't worry! I know I'm getting my alias in the morning. I won't be late." 

* * *

"So... is there anything new?" wondered Fujitaka. His daughter was being unusually quiet today and he was trying to figure out why. Had some training gone wrong? 

"I got an assignment today," said Sakura quietly. "I guess I'm just a little nervous." There was no real reason to tell him what the mission was, and she knew he wouldn't ask. In fact, she wasn't even supposed to discuss it with him, but she did it anyways (of course it was as vague as possible). 

"Oh? Well that's exciting," smiled Fujitaka. There was some other part of this story, and it was what was making Sakura upset. He wasn't going to pry, but he hoped she elaborated. 

"Yeah," smiled Sakura. "Meiling says that everyone at the base would kill to be in my shoes... at least the women. I don't think the men would like it." Sakura suddenly got the funny mental image of Eriol in a dress and heels. The thought made her giggle. 

"I'm happy for you then," expressed Fujitaka. "This is a great opportunity for you! You should be happy!" 

For the first time since she had received the mission, Sakura agreed. 

* * *

"Your new name will be Aiko Hoshi. You have worked in the escort business for a few years. You barely passed high school, so you're no threat to him. You have blonde hair and brown eyes. You will wear these clothes." The clothes on the table were indicated. "You will also receive this mini earphone, in which Syaoran will give you instructions. Do you understand?" 

"Couldn't you have left any of my profile the same? I know I have to go undercover, but couldn't you have even left my eyes the same color? And what's with the name? _Beloved star_?" stated Sakura, going into rant-mode. 

"Sakura please! I know you want to keep your beautiful green eyes, but they are too identifiable!" 

"So I can't even keep my eyes! Eriol, that's just screwed up! I can't be the only woman in Japan with green eyes! It just doesn't work that way!" 

"Kinomoto! Do you want this mission or not?" Silence. "That's what I thought! Now, get into character!" yelled Syaoran who was getting frustrated with Sakura's complaints. 

Muttering curses under her breath at the Li, Sakura got her props and left to find Meiling. The raven -haired teenager had promised to help her get into character. Finally finding her in the lounge hitting on some guy (who looked like he was in heaven), the two of them retreated to Sakura's chambers. 

An hour later, Aiko Hoshi left the room in which Sakura Kinomoto had entered. She was dressed revealingly to say the least. She wore a leopard-print mini skirt. Her shirt wasn't really a shirt, but a corset laced up the front and showing a little more cleavage than she would have liked. Knee-length pleather booths with a three and a half inch heel adorned her feet. Her blonde wig was in ringlets, and her brown eyes where framed with black eyeliner. 

"You look great!" squealed Meiling, eyeing her friend. "No one would ever believe you were actually Sakura Kinomoto." 

"I look like a hooker!" complained Sakura. Her dream was to be a Secret Service agent, not a prostitute? Where had the two merged? 

"You're supposed to look like that," defended Meiling. "If you didn't, they question you." She sighed. "Let's just get you to the jet so you can go and get this over with alright?" 

Agreeing hesitantly, Sakura followed Meiling (somewhat self-consciously) passed her fellow agents. The feeling of eyes burning into her made the (normally) auburn-haired teenager want to run back to her room and hide under the covers. How could women do this every day, when it made her feel uncomfortable for five minutes? 

"A-are you ready to go?" asked Eriol as they arrived at the base's private jet. Sakura... Aiko was sure something. 

"Yeah," said Sakura quietly, not meeting his gaze. She knew he was staring at her, and she hated it. She couldn't imagine what it would be like when she actually got there. 

"Good. See you in a couple days then!" said Eriol, practically pushing her on the plane. 

"Bye Sakura!" yelled Meiling. "Make me proud!" 

Sakura did up the seatbelt of her seat and peered out the window. Five minutes later, the plane started to take off. As she watched the base fade into the distance, Sakura only had one thought. 

Oh goody. 

* * *

I hope you liked the chapter. Please review and tell me what you think. 


	3. Author's Note

I'm sorry to say that no, this is not a chapter, and for all the people expecting one, I apologize. 

As you all know, it is the end of the school year, and that means exams. I don't know how many of you are still in school, but this is hard work, and I'm begining to feel the pressure. As much as I would love to update weekly, I don't see that happening in the future. I just have to devote all my time to school at the moment. 

Which brings me to another point. Insulting me will **NOT** get me to update faster. I am pleased that my fanfics have entertained, and even enthralled you, but I am only human. Between my school work and writing 7 fics ( yes I can count, I have another account), the pressure is building and I have to drop something. Unfortunately, it has to be this account. 

It won't be forever, just until the end of June or something. I am really sorry and I hope you can accept my sincere apologies. 

~Gangsta Lovin 


End file.
